CCL Messageboard

Question:

Would you be able to travel to Alaska or Hawaii to visit your son or daughter there?

IN today's economy, and in the last few years, there is no way I'd be able to afford to. If all it cost was a plane ticket, maybe, but add Hotel, food, entertainment, etc. NO WAY!

Who would? Honestly?

My son has been out almost two years, lives here in my state, an hour away from me, but refuses to talk or visit me. I keep calling and emailing him, but no response. This is normal over those years, we only talked by email. He only came home to visit me 2 times in 11 years, and spent one week with me fishing. The other time, was a New Years Eve party.

Now he says it was because of that. IN the 11 years he was in the service, I was able to save my marriage (on the rocks when he went in), buy a home, a new car, and a used bass boat, all of which are financed, and paid for monthly. Also, I was able to drive to Florida from CT to meet and visit my birth father's family last year, and I stayed with them.

But he is mad cuz I didn't go to HAWAII or Alaska to visit or see him come home from IRAQ. He also seems to have forgotten I did travel to SC to see him graduate boot camp. I took him to Hilton Head for a week after, then brought him to his next training in GA.

OK, how evil am I?

I can't speak for anyone else, but my wife visits her mother & daughter in China every year and I've gone along twice in the last 6 years, and we are in New Jersey. That's 8,000 miles each way. If you want something bad enough you can usually find a way.

Absolutely agree.

In our situation, the conversations never came up of going there. Usually he was not there, but deployed somewhere, and that was his base. We've been at war. He never communicated enough to plan it. It would like be, I just got back from Iraq. Going back in 3 weeks. I'm sure he could have planned something, but it never came up until now. After the fact. The military is not prone to family visits.

Is he married? If so his family could have taken a space available flight through the Air Force, it costs nothing and he could have came home on R&R from down range. i did that both times i was deployed from Europe, and typically when soldiers go on leave before and after a deployment soldiers typically go home. I understand where you're coming from but being a family is a two way street and if he's angry at you its his own damned fault for not communicating with you. and if he gives you some BS about how it was hard to communicate with you while over seas that's BS as well. each forward operating base, combat outpost, and joint service base has sapware, MWR phones with AT&T phones, as well as computers with internet. even his company CP would have had a computer setup for MWR internet. and he would have had time. being a soft skill MOS (i'm assuming since he went to basic in Jackson) he would have had enough time. the military pushes and enforces soldiers to communicate with family. I think your son is just being unreasonable. like any relationship you have to work at it from both ends and it sounds like he just didn't try hard enough. i'm sorry he's being that way. i'm sure you spent many night worrying your a$$ off about him.

Thank you very much for your information.

I agree he has not been very communicative. We did speak more when he was away, via email and chats, but that was it. He is not married. He lives with his mom. Many a time he came home on leave, and just didn't let me know.

This past week I began again, after several months since the last time I tried and failed to get together. This stime, I tried his mother via phone. She said he never calls her back either, but I didn't buy that much, they must see each other daily living in the same home.

So, after several calls and message later, I emailed his mom I was still failing, and said "Well, he just must not beinto his dad very much." That got this awful email back from him about how he never had a dad growing up, he got into computers in the Army after I turned him onto them when he was in high school (but he had no dAD), AND WHILE HE IS AWAY, i CAN BUY NEW CARS, A HOME, A BOAT, AND TRAVEL oopps..hate when you hit caps..to visit long lost family, but I can't go see him in Hawaii or Alaska.

What he does not know is I planned a big family get-together for him for when he got out with all that family I found. I planned a picnic that was going to be at Sherwood Island State Park, and had several of our relatives family waiting for the final date and times. We never got to it because he fails to call and talk to me. His mother even knew about it.

I really think something else is going on besides the story he gave about me traveling to HA & AK. Some have suggested delayed Stress Syndrome from his tours in Iraq.

I remember when he went to FT GOrdon after our week at the Hilton Head. I dropped him off and drove back to CT. I didn't hear from him for several weeks and called down there. I got his barracks, and left a message that he call his dad, becasue I hadn't heard from him and wondered if he was still alive (jokingly ofcourse). He got hell from his higher ups that time.

Anyway, thanks again for your reply. I'm praying he comes around better. He needs to get out and work. I have contacts.

Yeah i had a rough relationship with my father as well and he too called my unit and i got f!@ked up pretty good for it. the Army has to make sure your family is aware with how their soldier is doing. other they catch (banned) because parents call their states reps etc. this doesn't sound like PTSD really... especially since hes apparently having a fine relationship with his mother but then again if she isn't giving you feed back it hard to tell. no offense, but the kid just sounds like hes being dick man. can i ask what his military occupation specialty was? hope you two can work it out

He was a Sgt. Was in the Stryker BT out of Ft Wainwright. Went to Iraq twice with it. He worked on radios, networks and computers. Don't know much more than that cuz of his lack of com..:) He also did some kind of Instructor/training out of Hawaii when there.

yeah i would say its less of a PTSD issue as much as him being an a-hole son. soldiers try to claim that this and that is because they have PTSD. and its a load of BS. I've been in heavy fighting all over Iraq and in the mountains of Afghanistan and me and my buddies are fine. Most people dealing with PTSD are struggling with depression, suicide, alcohol and drug abuse etc. being a d!ck isn't part of it lol. i hate that most soldiers try to use this to get away with BS. and seeing as he was a tech nerd the most he saw was maybe a mortar round hit on the airfield or something. hopefully he'll come around. family is an important thing and hopefully he'll realize it.

I really do not know what his problem is. He has not been in touch with me much at all after he went in there. It's just now I am pushing it and he came out with that BS about me not going there.

You don't communicate, you can't expect someone to know you better than they do.

I do know he drinks & smokes. I get the impression from his mom he stays in his room mostly when home. He is not working, but looking for job, hoping he gets called for a state type job. BUt that's all I know. Any other ideas I have would be guessing at best.

What I do know is we did not have a bad relationship prior to him going in. I was actually in a time when I was still trying to get my own life together. I was separated from wife at that time. My wife is not his mother. While he was gone, we eventually got back together (my wife and I). I was never married to HIS MOM, she didn't want it then. My wife and I have been doing good. We are not rich, and live pay check to paycheck. He doesn't get that. I am sure he has never thought about it though.

From that email, It seems like he thinks I owe him something. When he was getting out of the service, he had made some comments on FACEBOOK about his superiors treating him bad cuz he was leaving them. Giving him rotten duties and stuff he thought was below him. Made me think then too that he thought they owed him better treatment.

But all guesses. I do not know him at all now.

I've seen that happen. soldier gets out cuz hes tired of the BS then when taskings come along and hes the only one not already tasked because he gets out they develop an attitude. hopefully you can get through to him. best of luck, man.