*Bio: Born in Shelbyville, Luann moved to Springfield after falling in love with a cracker factory bigshot named Kirk Van Houten. But over time, Luann and Kirk drifter apart, a fact obvious to everyone in Springfield but Kirk. In their divorce settlement, Luann got the house, the car, the Jacuzzi suit, and custody of Milhouse. Now a swinging single once more, she divides her time between clog dancing, raising her son, and dating various stuntman.
Turn-ons: Men with explosive names and personalities (Pyro, Nitro, etc.)
Bears Creepy Resemblance To: Her ex-husband Kirk
*Source: Back of card